Bad decisions

Well, I'm officially a horrible, selfish, and stupid person.

I've made terrible decisions today. 

Bad decision #1 - I starved myself

Bad decision #2 - I was starving this morning so I ate a bunch of food and purged (there goes making it to the three week mark)

Bad decision #3 - I bought diuretics and laxatives in an attempt to get rid of the bloating and major swelling

Bad decision #4 - I took the diuretic and laxative

Bad decision #5 - I purged my large evening snack

So, there we have it. I've fucked up so badly, and for what? To feel even more swollen and bloated than ever... to feel like a heartless selfish wife, mother, daughter, sister, etc.

It's easy for me to say that it's only one bad day, I can get back on track tomorrow, etc. But, I'm still torn over what to do. I want to lose weight NOW. I'm tired of suffering through the excessive bloating and edema. I want to feel normal again. This doesn't feel normal. My boobs have gone up a cup size in a matter of days. It's stupid and I can't handle it. I shouldn't have to handle it. However, I still feel like shit for choosing to ruin my family's life so I can be thin. What kind of awful person am I? And to top it all off, I'm dreading my appointment with Sara tomorrow where I have to face my actions from today. I'm embarrassed.