Day Four

Day four...

I'm hopeful that this is actually going to help. I felt pretty damn good after my treatment today. Things are starting to change. I almost had my type of ice cream as a snack this afternoon out of the blue. It seemed so normal and natural... no anxiety. I was taken aback by it. I haven't contemplated eating something different for awhile now, so this is quite huge. I felt happy most of the day... giddy... I almost felt drunk or high. I wanted to skip through the parking lot, I was laughing, I was genuinely happy. It was amazing.

I'm still having a lot of ed thoughts, but the anxiety that comes with them is so much less. I might actually be able to have a decent shot fighting this disease now with all of the other issues lifted off my chest. When I get in a disagreement it doesn't consume me... it doesn't wreck my entire day. I can feel the anger, move on, and laugh again minutes later. I am much less irritable.

Oh, and it's pretty common for antidepressants to kill your libido. Well, this is having the complete opposite effect. It's crazy.

I know I have a long way to go, and I have a lot to work on, but it seems doable now. I have hope that I can actually get better... I might be able to feel normal. It's exciting and scary. I need to make some plans. I need happiness in my life. I want to enjoy life again. I am missing out on so much. I hope this can be maintained...