Almost made it.

I am so mad at myself.

I almost went the entire day without eating, but at 7:30 pm, I ended up binging/purging. I was so close to making my goal. I'm not sure what is easier, not eating all day, or binging/purging several times a day?

I have had such a horrible day, physically and mentally. I am so incredibly tired. I slept in until almost noon, and I was struggling to stay awake once 4:00 pm hit. I'm weak, dizzy, and my head hurts.

My kids, especially my daughter, have really started to act out. It's probably for attention, and I can't help but blame myself. I have been such an awful mother I can't even think about it. Now that Chris' work has slowed down for the season, and he's home more often than not, he's been taking on most of the child rearing. I hardly do anything with the kids... they are probably so upset thinking that I hate them. I can barely get through the days anymore.

I am not sure what to do anymore. I have no plans on how I can make my life better anymore.

I just want to curl up into a tiny ball and cry myself to sleep.