"My Thing"

Why did being sick become "my thing"? 

The anger and jealousy that consumes me when I feel like someone is even encroaching on my thing is clearly ridiculous, but that doesn't change how I feel. I hate when others are sick or in need of some sort of medical attention. I want it to be me and I'm angry that it's not. The feeling is so intense. The pure raw jealousy. I hate that Chris is going to therapy. It feels like he is stealing the one thing that was mine, the one thing no one else had... I know he needs it, but therapy was my fucking thing! 

Why do I feel such a strong, entrenched feeling about this? I know I've felt this way for at least the past 17-18 years. I'm having a hard time understanding everything behind these feelings. 

I've got a lot of thoughts and feelings going in right now. We are going down to Vancouver tomorrow for my NLP appointment and I'm stressed about for many different reasons. One, I won't be able to purge for two to three days. I haven't not purged for at least three months. Plus I don't know what to eat while we are away. I'm sure I'll bring my own food and I'm stressing about nothing, but it is stressful. Two, I am scared that this might work. I'm terrified of leaving my eating disorder behind. I feel like I'll have nothing else. I'm scared to keep it, yet I don't want to get rid of it. Expect the unexpected I guess.