I need help

I can't go on like this anymore. I am mentally tormented. I seriously considered killing myself today because I just can't live like this. I lose my mind starving and I hate myself when I binge and purge.

I'm scared to let go and have people help me. I'm scared to lose my control. I'm scared to recover. But, living in hell isn't an option anymore.

I don't actually want to die. I don't want to leave my kids motherless. I feel helpless and hopeless. It's hard having to go back to the hospital again. I should have never been let out in the first place.