Relapsing again?

Do I label this as relapsing if I didn't technically recover from the previous relapse?

I had a pretty decent run at recovery. For maybe three to four weeks I was able to make a ton of progress. I cut back on purging from four times per day to two times per day completely on my own. I stopped weighing myself. In fact, it's been 37 days since I've stepped on my scale. And, most importantly, I was starting to eat again, and not just safe foods, but challenging myself with homemade donuts, soups, sugar cookies, restaurants, etc. I still purged breakfast and evening snack, but the time in between was actually going well. Now there were definitely both pros and cons during this time.

PROS:
- depression lifted
- I was able to do things during the day again... I baked tons of food and actually enjoyed it, I was starting to do things with my kids again
- I was eating out at restaurants again and socializing
- I wasn't irritable
- I was calm and actually "present" when it came to dealing with my kids
- I was starting to enjoy things like photography again and had the desire to take part in activities and hobbies that I wasn't able to previously enjoy
- I wasn't out of my mind starving
- I was motivated and the fog in my head was lifting

CONS:
- increased anxiety in the evenings because the starvation wasn't numbing my thoughts and feelings anymore. The less anxious I was about food, the more anxious I became about other things.
- still thought about food all day every day, however, I still wasn't eating enough and still purged twice a day, so I'm sure this one would've eased up had I truly given in
- finally, and the biggest con of all was gaining weight and feeling completely and utterly disgusting and uncomfortable in my body. I missed my bones and the safety of a low weight. It was terrifying not knowing how much I weighed and how much I was gaining. I wanted to cut off the "fat suit" it felt like I was living in. Getting dressed and feeling the tight clothes brought me to anger, tears, and every emotion in between.

However, in the last ten days or so, I've "relapsed" again. I've started restricting to about 700 calories a day, which almost 200 are burned when I go on the treadmill. I figured out how to use the treadmill without the key that I had given Sara. I started purging more meals when I couldn't restrict them, such as Christmas Eve dinner, etc. I've lost weight, and while the weight loss feels good and I'm feeling more comfortable in my body, I feel like I'm living in a complete and utter hell of misery, starvation, and isolation. I'm too tired to do anything, I have headaches, I'm dizzy, I'm irritable, I can't socialize and do things, and I'm so depressed and having suicidal thoughts because it feels like I have no options left. I'm back to figuring out how to get through my day while starving to do death and unable to function. There are so many things I want to do, but I can't do because of the pure exhaustion that has overcome me and the inability to physically function during starvation. I know if I want to do these things all I have to do is eat, but eating = fat and I can't handle that either. I gained so much weight in just a few short weeks and I was still purging, so I'm scared to know what my weight would have done in complete recovery. I felt like I was in fake recovery. Part of me missed being on the constant verge of hospitalization and being in "danger" health wise. I hate the fact that the moment I am weight restored at all, most people think I'm all better. Obviously my therapist doesn't, but doctors, parents, siblings, my husband, etc. all do and I get thrown into all of these uncomfortable situations and have so much more put on my plate that I can't handle. Eating and recovering takes so much out of me, but people don't see that and the moment my health isn't a crisis everyone can unload on me again.

I don't know what to do anymore. St. Paul's is 2-3 weeks away, and a big part of me doesn't want to go. But, what other options do I have at this point? I know I also need to start on the antidepressant/anti-anxiety med once and for all to help me get through the initial hard part of recovery. It's hard to make any positive steps when your mind is taken over with lose weight thoughts. Life with an eating disorder is complete hell.